Choosing

Hot tea sits on the counter beside me.  A warm fire in the corn/wood pellet burner. The house is quiet.  It's nap time.  A slight chill in the air makes me shiver a little.  I look over at my bag of books and journals, knowing it's in there.  It's been sitting around for almost a month now, untouched, the pages unmarred by ink of any sort. That journal that was a gift to me, that one that I knew right away I wanted to turn into my "thankfulness and blessings" journal. The one that would record the things I thanked God for every day, just little somethings to make me take the time to make a list, the one that would force me to think about what I was thankful for each and every day. The one that has all but remained unopened.

I think about life ... my life.

Sometimes, every once in a great while (I say this facetiously) life doesn't always go the way you plan.  Sometimes you get married and prince charming isn't quiet as perfect as Cinderella's prince (Go ahead, all you married people, let it out, laugh ... I know.  For all you singles out there, I'm sorry to burst your bubble). Sometimes words hurt, sometimes actions hurt, sometimes he's not always the happy-say-the-perfect-thing-all-the-time-and-show-you-without-fail-how-much-you-mean-to-him kind of prince that fairy tales convince you is what you need and should look for. Sometimes he's just a normal, everyday kind of prince who loves you no matter what happens.

Sometimes those perfect little children who you're raising aren't always happy either.  Sometimes they don't obey, don't do what they are told and also say mean, hurtful things. Every now and again they are crabby, whinny and picky. (Again, all you parents out there, go ahead and laugh.)

Sometimes the ideal picture in my head of what a wife should be and should do is so hard to reach.  Sometimes picture perfect happiness in every situation (because don't you know wives are supposed to be happy all the time and encouraging and be the one that makes things all better) is just not attainable.  Sometimes there are hard times, sometimes I'm not even close to what I should be (or more often then not, I'm not what I should be).  That perfect wife who always has supper ready on time (with a smile), the food always tasting amazing because I've labored over it for hours, just isn't who I am.  Sometimes I'm the wife who, when her husband gets home, stills has no idea what she's going to make.  Sometimes, only sometimes (again with sarcasm) I'm not very nice or pleasant to be around. Sometimes, I'm the step-mom who gets angry, and is mean and not very nice.

I had dreams! I had hopes, ideals and the perfect idea of what life and marriage and life after marriage was going to be.  It was, after all, what I had been preparing for only my whole life.  It's what I thought about, prayed for and longed for. (With that much planning and preparation it couldn't possible be different than what I thought, right?)

So, I guess what I'm trying to get at is NOT that everyone should remain single.  Marriage is wonderful! Having that someone that you become one with and share your life with is amazing.  That bond that you have is indescribable and I would never trade it. Yes, people are imperfect with imperfections and will do things that are not perfect (seeing a pattern here?), but that's because we are all sinners before a holy God. God never promised that life would be perfect, He promised His perfectness and His perfect grace for every imperfection we bring and have.

Having my "thankfulness and blessings" journal staring, blank and unused, at me has really been making me think.  Why haven't I used it? Just because life isn't perfect and we don't all float around on cloud nine our whole lives doesn't mean that we can't be happy.

We are called to give thanks for and in all things ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18, Philippians 4:6. Even when we don't feel like giving thanks we are to give thanks.

That doesn't mean that we are happy and bubbly all the time. Sometimes there are times when quiet reflection and taking time to deal with sorrows and our attitudes are needed. Even Jesus wasn't happy all the time ~ Luke 22:41-44. I don't mean to say, in anyway shape or form, that our trials and times of sorrow and testing are anything close to what Jesus went through, but in His hard times He wasn't always smiling and bubbly, this is my point.

Even the Psalmist wasn't always happy either. He talks many times of the "brokenhearted", the "bowed down", the "lowly", the "weary".  But there is one in particular that I'm thinking of ~ Psalm 42:5,11. Here he says, "Why are you cast down, oh my soul ... Hope in God ..."

And here, people, is where this whole long rambling post was going.

Notice how he talks to himself? He questions himself (or his soul) as to why he is cast down and his answer is to tell himself to hope in God. Not necessarily shaking himself but kind of. He is telling himself to make the choice to hope in God.  Can I not do the same thing?  Can I not say to myself, "Hope in God.  Joy in God.  Choose to be happy, choose to take joy, choose to give thanks"?

So, while my journal was staring at me, and thoughts came and went and floated around in my head, I came to the conclusion that finding joy, being happy, being pleasant, being thankful, being kind, being loving and other such similar things are sometimes choices. Something we sometimes have to make ourselves do. And I believe, that when we get into the habit of looking for and choosing joy and thankfulness that God brings it into our hearts as well, so it becomes a more natural thing.

My point? Choose.

Thoughts

Up earlier than usual ... puppies don't sleep well after 7. Up the stairs to fill a cup with coffee and take the puppies outside.  The liquid sends white, wisps of steam swirling, they can be seen clearly against the dark blue cup.  Early morning sun just peeking down the street as I step out into the morning cool.  Puppies on the grass.  Morning dew on the grass tickles my bare feet.  Puppies don't like the cool wetness and come to sit and snuggle on my feet. I watch, sipping coffee, thinking of my reading from the night before ...

"God does not willingly bring affliction or grief to us.  He does not delight in causing us to experience pain or heartache.  He always has a purpose for the grief He brings or allows to come into our lives.  Most often we do not know what that purpose is, but it is enough to know that His infinite wisdom and perfect love have determined that the particular sorrow is best for us.  God never wastes pain.  He always uses it to accomplish His purpose.  And His purpose is for His glory and our good.

 Trusting God in the midst of our pain and heartache means that we accept it from Him.  There is a vast difference between acceptance and either resignation or submission.  We can resign ourselves to a difficult situation, simply because we see no other alternative.  Many people do that all the time.  Or we can submit to the sovereignty of God in our circumstances with a certain amount of reluctance.  But to truly accept our pain and heartache has the connotation of willingness. An attitude of acceptance says that we trust God, that He loves us, and knows what is best for us.

Acceptance does not mean that we do not pray for [those things dear to our heart] ... {For an end to the seeming endless singleness} ... We should indeed pray for those things, but we should pray in a trusting way.  We should realize that, though God can do all things, for infinitely wise and loving reasons, He may not do that which we pray that He will do.  How do we know how long to pray?  As long as we can pray trustingly, with an attitude of acceptance of His will, we should pray as long as the desire remains."

~ Jerry Bridges, Trusting God (Chapter 6, Point 5)

::*~God All-Sufficient~*::

King of Glory, Divine Majesty,
Every perfection adorns Thy nature
and sustains Thy throne;
The heavens and earth are Thine,
The world is Thine and its fullness.
Thy power created the universe from nothing;
Thy wisdom has managed all its multiple concerns,
presiding over nations, families, individuals.
Thy goodness is boundless;
all creatures wait on Thee
are supplied by Thee
are satisfied in Thee.
How precious are the thoughts of Thy mercy and grace!
How excellent Thy lovingkindness that draws men to Thee!
Teach us to place our happiness in Thee,
the blessed God,
never seeking life among the dead things of earth,
or asking for that which satisfies the deluded;
But may we prize the light of Thy smile,
implore the joy of Thy salvation,
find our heaven in Thee.
Thou has attended to our happiness more than we can do;
Though we are fallen creatures Thou has not neglected us.
In love and pity Thou hast provided us a Saviour;
Apply His redemption to our hearts,
by justifying our persons,
and sanctifying our natures.
We confess our transgressions, have mercy on us.
We are weary, give us rest,
ignorant, make us wise unto salvation,
helpless, let Thy strength be made perfect in our weakness,
poor and needy, bless us with Christ's unsearchable riches,
perplexed and tempted, let us travel on unchecked, undismayed,
knowing that Thou has said,
'I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.'
Blessed be Thy name!

Found in

"The Valley of Vision ~

A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions"

The Only Ultimate Love

"God's loving us is a means for our joyfully glorifying Him. ... The love of God is not God's making much of us, but God's saving us from self-centered sin so that we can enjoy making much of Him forever.  And our love to others is not our making much of them, but our helping them to find eternal satisfaction in making much of God.  The only ultimate love is a love that aims at satisfying people in the glory of God.  Any love that terminates on man is eventually destructive.  It does not lead a person to the only lasting joy, namely God.  Love must be God-centered or it is not the greatest love; it leaves people without their deepest need and only hope." 

~ John Piper ~ Taste and See

~Contentment~

Heavenly Father~

If I should suffer need, and go unclothed,

and be in poverty,

make my heart prize thy love,

know it, be constrained by it,

though I be denied all blessings.

It is thy mercy to afflict and try me with wants,

for by these trials I see my sins,

and desire severance from them.

Let me willingly accept misery, sorrows, temptations,

if I can thereby feel sin as the greatest evil,

and be delivered from it with gratitude to thee,

acknowledging this as the highest testimony of thy love.

When thy Son, Jesus, came into my soul,

instead of sin, he became more dear to me

than sin had formerly been;

his kindly rule replaced sin's tyranny.

Teach me to believe that if ever I would have any sin subdued

I must not only labour to overcome it,

but must invite Christ to abide in the place of it,

and he must become to me more than vile lust had been;

that his sweetness, power, life may be there.

Thus I must seek a grace from him contrary to sin,

but must not claim it apart from himself.

When I am afraid of evils to come,

comfort me by showing me

that in myself I am a dying, condemned wretch,

but in Christ I am reconciled and live;

that in myself I find insufficiency and no rest,

but in Christ there is satisfaction and peace;

that in myself I am feeble and unable to do good,

but in Christ I have ability to do all things.

Though now I have his graces in part,

I shall shortly have them perfectly

in that state where thou wilt show thyself fully reconciled,

and alone sufficient, efficient,

loving me completely,

with sin abolished.

O Lord, hasten that day.

Found in

"The Valley of Vision ~

A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions"

Psalm 145

1 I will extol You, my God and King,
and bless Your name forever and ever.
2 Every day I will bless You
and praise Your name forever and ever.

3 Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised,

and His greatness is unsearchable.

4 One generation shall commend Your works to another,

and shall declare Your mighty acts.

5 On the glorious splendor of Your majesty,
and on Your wondrous works, I will meditate.
6 They shall speak of the might of Your awesome deeds,
and I will declare Your greatness.
7 They shall pour forth the fame of Your abundant goodness
and shall sing aloud of Your righteousness.

8 The Lord is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
9 The Lord is good to all,
and His mercy is over all that He has made.

10 All Your works shall give thanks to You, O Lord,
and all Your saints shall bless You!
11 They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom
and tell of Your power,
12 to make known to the children of man Your mighty deeds,
and the glorious splendor of Your kingdom.
13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and Your dominion endures throughout all generations.

[The Lord is faithful in all His words
and kind in all His works.]
14 The Lord upholds all who are falling
and raises up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look to You,
and You give them their food in due season.
16 You open Your hand;
You satisfy the desire of every living thing.
17 The Lord is righteous in all His ways
and kind in all His works.
18 The Lord is near to all who call on Him,
to all who call on Him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desire of those who fear Him;
He also hears their cry and saves them.
20 The Lord preserves all who love Him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.

21 My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord,

and let all flesh bless His holy name forever and ever.

Okay ::~*

The dreams were many,

the thoughts were more.

I thought too much,

on what I thought was real.

But the Lord showed me,

as was my prayer,

that I had been making

this almost more than He.

And so, with many tears,

along with some sobs,

I realized it was not to be,

and perhaps God was just testing me.

The pain was real and strong,

as I thought of two things.

One: I made this too big,

two: God is enough for me.

So as I cried in the dark,

my heart prayed and cried, too.

"Lord help me love You,

much more than this."

I asked for peace and trust,

to do what I knew I must.

And with a sense of being weary and worn,

a word formed in my heart and mind.

A word I hadn't thought of,

in my cries for comfort and peace.

"Okay," my heart said,

"Okay, my Lord.

I know You are all,

I know I need no more than You.

I know You love me,
I know You are kind.

So when You ask me to resign,

I say, with a heart of love and faith,

pain, hurt, awe and peace,

such wonderful, all-consuming peace,

Okay."

~4-2-10

Still Human!

November 16 ~

"Whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."

1 Corinthians 10:31

The great marvel of the Incarnation slips into ordinary childhood's life; the great marvel of the Transfiguration vanishes in the devil-possessed valley; the glory of the Resurrection descends into a breakfast on the seashore. This is not an anti-climax, but a great revelation of God.
The tendency is to look for the marvelous in our experience; we mistake the sense of the heroic for being heroes. It is one thing to go through a crisis grandly, but another thing to go through every day glorifying God when there is no witness, no limelight, no one paying the remotest attention to us. If we do not want medieval haloes, we want something that will make people say --- What a wonderful man of prayer he is! What a pious devoted woman she is! *If you are rightly devoted to the Lord Jesus, you have reached the sublime height where no one ever thinks of noticing you, all that is noticed is that the power of God comes through you all the time.
Oh, I have had a wonderful call from God! It takes Almighty God Incarnate in us to do the meanest duty of the glory of God. It takes God's Spirit in us to make us so absolutely hymanly His that we are utterly unnoticeable. The test of the life of a saint is not success, but faithfulness in human life as it actually is. We will set up success in Christian work as the aim; *the aim is to manifest the glory of God in human life, to live the life hid with Christ in God in human conditions. Our human relationships are the actual conditions in which the ideal life of God is to be exhibited.

~Oswald Chambers
~My Utmost for His Highest

*Emphesis mine.

Jesus, Lover of My Soul

Jesus, Lover of my soul, Let me to Thy bossom fly,
While the nearer waters roll, While the tempest still is high.
Hide me, O my Saviour, hide, Till the storm of life is past;
Safe into the haven guide, O receive my soul at last!

Other refuge have I none; Hangs my helpless soul on Thee;
Leave, ah leave me not alone, Still support and comfort me.
All my trust on Thee is stayed, All my help from Thee I bring;
Cover my defenseless head With the shadow of Thy wing.

Thou, O Christ, art all I want; More than all in Thee I find;
Raise the fallen, cheer the faint, Heal the sick, and lead the blind.
Just and holy is Thy name, I am all unrighteousness;
False and full of sin I am, Thou art full of truth and grace.

Plenteous grace with Thee is found, Grace to cover all my sin;
Let the healing streams abound; Make and keep my pure within.
Thou of life the Fountain art, Freely let me take of Thee;
Spring Thou up within my heart, Rise to all eternity.

Words ~ Charles Wesley
Sung ~ Fernando Ortega

And they say it's hard to understand

I was sitting on the couch at work the other day, holding M, when A (an energetic, very smart three-year-old), who also was sitting on the couch, just out of the blue turned to me and said, "You're in God's eyes."
It took me a second to recover from the unexpected statement but I answered "Yes, everyone is in God's eyes." To which he said again, "You're in God's eyes." Only this time he added "You're wicked in God's eyes."
"Yes," I said, "Everyone is."
He nodded, "Yup." A pause and then, "God made people."
"Yes," I said, "God made everyone."
"God can see you," he said.
"Yes, God can see everyone."
Another short pause as he went back to his Duplo blocks. A couple more blocks put together before he informed me, "Jesus died."
"Yes," I sent a prayer for wisdom to God so that God would give me the words to say to little A so that he would understand. "But He came back to life."
"Yeah," another nod. "Where is God?"
"In heaven, on His throne."
"Where is Jesus?"
"At God's right hand, in heaven. By God's throne."
He didn't ask any more questions, but went back to building. But as I thought about it I was struck by the thought that, although he may not completely understand what he said, he knows something about it, we're wicked, God can see us, Jesus died and God is on His throne ... and he's only three. Surly God can enable people to understand things about Him that we sometimes think are "too hard" to understand and avoid talking about. Don't shy away from talking to people about God and Who He is and what He does. God will give you the words and wisdom to say what needs to be said to portray Him and His word in an accurate light and He will give understanding to those who need it ... even a three-year-old playing with Duplo blocks.

Verses about my Jesus

I hope you all have/had a wonderful Resurrection Sunday! I was reading the account of my Savior's death and resurrection and some verses stood out at me. We all know the story ... Jesus is arrested, He is wrongly accused, He is given to Pilate who declares Him innocent but wanting to please the crowd he scourges Him and releases Him to be crucified and Jesus dies a painful, agonizing death in separation from His Father! But as I was reading the different accounts from the different books, as I said, some verses really awed me.

When Jesus is being arrested ...

Matthew 26:50b-54~ ... Then they came and laid hands on Jesus and took Him. 51 And suddenly, one of those who were with Jesus stretched out his hand and drew his sword, struck the servant of the high priest, and cut off his ear. 52 But Jesus said to him, "Put your sword in is place, for all who take the sword will perish by the sword. 53 Or do you think that I cannot now pray to My Father, and He will provide Me with more than twelve legions of angels? 54 How then could the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must happen thus?" ( A Roman Legion was 6,000 soldiers ... making 12 legions more than 72,000 angels! Oh, the power of our Lord and God!)

John 18:4-6~ Jesus therefore, knowing all things that would come upon Him, went forward and said to them, "Whom are you seeking?" 5 They answered Him, "Jesus of Nazareth." Jesus said to them, "I am He." And Judas, who betrayed Him, also stood with them. 6 Now when He said to them, "I am He," they drew back and fell to the ground. (At the very words of Jesus proclaiming who He was, they fell to the ground!)


When Jesus is lead before Caiaphas the high priest ...

Matthew 26:63b-64~ "...Tell us if You are the Christ, the Son of God!" 64 Jesus said to him, "It is as you said. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Power, and coming on the clouds of heaven." (The right hand of the Power!! That, people, is my God ... the Power ... and my Jesus is at the right hand of the Power, interceding for me!)

When Jesus is on the cross and when He dies ...

Matthew 27:46~ And the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" that is, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" (God forsook Jesus for me. They were separated, God turned His back on His Son because of my sins that I may know Him as my Lord and Savior!)

Matthew 27:50~ And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit. (He did it willingly.)

Matthew 27:51-54~ Then, behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth quaked and the rocks were split, 52 and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep [died] were raised; 53 and coming out of the graves after His resurrection, they went into the holy city and appeared to many. 54 So when the centurion and those with him, who were guarding Jesus, saw the earthquake and the things that had happened, they feared greatly, saying, "Truly this was the Son of God!" (Behold the Power (at which Jesus sits at the right hand) the veil is torn, giving us as Gentiles (and the Jews) complete access to the Holy of Holies, to God Himself. The earth quaked and rocks split! The graves were open and the dead walked, and appeared to many! I say again, behold the Power!)

Mark 15:33~ Now when the sixth hour had come, [Noon, by Jewish reckoning] there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour [3:00 p.m.]. (My God controls light and darkness! And the grief of Jesus death was so great God chose to darken the skies for three hours in the middle of the day!)

Luke 23:44-47~ Now it was about the sixth hour, [Noon] and there was darkness over all the earth until the ninth hour [3:00 p.m.]. 45 Then the sun was darkened, and the veil of the temple was torn in two. 46 And when Jesus cried out with a loud voice, He said, "Father, 'into Your hands I commit My spirit.' " Having said this, He breathed His last. 47 So when the centurion saw what had happened, he glorified God, saying, "Certainly this was a righteous Man!" (Need I say anything for this? The Power, the willingness of Jesus ... this was a righteous Man indeed!)

The tomb ...

Matthew 28:1-8~ Now after the Sabbath, as the first day of the week began to dawn, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. 2 And behold, there was a great earthquake; for an angle of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat on it. 3 His countenance was like lightening, his clothing as white as snow. 4 And the guards shook for fear of him, and became like dead men. 5 But the angel answered and said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. 6 He is not here; for He is risen, as He said. Come see the place where the Lord lay. 7 And go quickly and tell His disciples that He is risen from the dead, and indeed He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see him. Behold, I have told you." 8 So they went out quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to bring His disciples word. (I let these words speak for themselves)

Luke 24:1-7~ Now on the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they, and certain other women with them, came to the tomb bringing the spices which they had prepared. 2 But they found the stone rolled away from the tomb. 3 Then they went in and did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4 And it happened, as they were greatly perplexed about this, that behold, two men stood by them in shining garments. 5 Then, as they were afraid and bowed their faces to the earth, they said to them, "Why do you seek the living among the dead? 6 He is not here, but is risen! Remember how He spoke to you when He was still in Galilee, 7 saying, 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.'"

Where Jesus is now ...

Mark 16:19~ So then, after the Lord had spoken to them, He was received up into heaven, and sat down at the right hand of God.

That is my God and Lord ... remember Him, not just this happy resurrection day, but always!

The little things ...

You slowly open your eyes, the room is just starting to lighten as the sun slowly shows its face to the world. For some reason you've awakened five or so minutes before your alarm goes off. You feel fresh, revived, ready, eager to get up. Much different from the night before (when, due to pouring rain and rushing winds and for some uncertain reason, you didn't actually fall to sleep until around 2:30 or 3:00 am and when you did fall asleep it was anything but sound and peaceful) your night was restful and you feel quite rested. As you lay, you've closed your eyes again, just taking in the feeling of being rested. Your window is open because the rain came again last night and you love the sound of rain. As you snuggle down in your blankets your ear is caught by a little voice outside, "Glory to God in the highest. Praise the Lord, for He is good. His mercies are new every morning! Let the earth sing of His praise. ... God loves you! He honestly and truly loves you, much more than you can imagine."

Who, do you wonder, is walking around at five to 7:00am in the morning singing such truths? Would you believe me if I told you a little birdie told me? Because it did. Lying there in bed the bird's song filled my ears and my heart filled with love and praise. My mind went to this post and in shame I realized that I do not look for Christ in the little things, I do not joy in the little things He shows and gives.

I'm not going to lie and say my heart is perfectly at peace, my spiritual walk is just dandy ... because, in fact, it isn't. Truth be told, I've really been struggling with peace in Christ, for a love for Him that doesn't ask why, but loves because He loves me. I've been struggling with trusting, with not knowing why, but trusting anyway. Struggling with walking the path that is lit only enough for me to see where to put my foot next and nothing beyond that. It's hard, I'm not going to make it "short and sweet" for you. The Bible says it will be hard. And in this hard time I've been really struggling with making myself stay focused on Christ. But do not think I'm complaining, I'm simply giving background, because when that little bird sang this morning, knowing what I've been struggling with and knowing what that bird's song meant, it made it all the more precious to me. Precious enough to share with you. :)

So, coming from someone who is struggling desperately to love, trust, obey, follow, etc. ... going to someone who is struggling just as much, don't lose heart! God does love you. Sometimes it's hard to feel His love. It's hard to make your heart believe what your mind knows about Him. But pray, grasp and cling, fight the good fight. He's there, He'll not let you go, He'll not let you fall so far that He can't reach down and pick you back up!

Do you take the time?

How many of us pray for safety while driving, healing from sickness, guidance while shopping, for the right words to say at the right time, for salvation for an unsaved acquaintance? The list goes on and on, some "major" some "mundane". Prayer is, or should be, a normal part of a Christian's life. It should be as easy as breathing. Maybe we could say it should be done as often as breathing.

But how many times do we stop and truly thank the Lord for answered prayers? Oh, we give glory and praise to God when a soul is saved and give their life to Christ. We thank Him and praise Him when He does "great and mighty" things (because it seems easier to spot how He works in the "big" things), but do we thank the Lord when we step out of our car after a drive (long or short) for the safety He gave us on the road? Do we thank the Lord for giving us the wisdom to buy the things we needed (and sometimes the things we wanted) while out shopping? Do we take the time to thank Him, and truly mean it, for the "small and insignificant" things?

God loves to hear our prayers, our praise ... our thankfulness! No matter how small the request seemed when prayed did you take the time to thank Him for how He answered it? And not just if He answered the prayer the way we thought it should be answered. Do we thank Him when things don't work out the way we thought they should? Are we giving thanks for everything at all times?

What about those times when He does things that we never prayed for? What about when He lovingly grants those desires that we never dared to pray? What about when He does something that we never would have even thought of? Do we thank Him for those things, too?

A little assignment ... I don't expect reports back ... just for yourself ... how often do you find yourself thanking God throughout the day? Do you thank Him when things turn out "right"? Do you thank Him when things don't go as planned? Do you thank Him for the "little" things as well as the "big" things? Do you thank Him for those things you never thought of, or prayed for? Just a little something to think on.

It's more then just taking your eyes off ...

... It's putting them on ... on Christ that is.

Happy Valentine's day everyone!! (Happy Single's awareness day ... as my sister and I joke).

May all you married peeps enjoy having someone to hold tight and love and give your heart to. :) May all you peeps with a special someone also enjoy being together and enjoy each other's company. May all you singles out there .... hummm ... is there really anything to enjoy on Valentine's day for singles?

Yes!! As a matter of fact there is. Sometimes it doesn't seem that there is much to be thankful for and enjoy (especially when one of your greatest desires is to be married and live in oneness with your husband) when you're alone on the holiday that makes so much of that 'special someone' and you haven't that 'special someone'. And it seems harder still when you have friends and family that have 'special someones' :) and you don't.

So, what is there to be thankful for on Valentine's day? Well, there's always the famous 'you're alive aren't you?' question. (Well, at least I'm assuming that if you're reading this then you're alive ... but I guess I could be wrong. *wink*) But sometimes, if you're like me, that doesn't bring the joy and peace that you're looking for.

Instead of spending your time, thinking of how lonely you are, think of someone else. Send a card, write a letter, bake a cake and deliver it to someone (single or married). Call up another single friend and get together for the day. When we set our loneliness and sadness aside and open our eyes and truly look at other people and ask ourselves how we can help them, we see that there is so much we can do, even if it's something little like bringing a rose to someone just because.

Well, I've been thinking a lot lately about marriage, being alone (especial with Valentine's day), taking my eyes off of things I can't have (namely a companion), looking to Christ to be my all in all, letting go of my desires and longings, looking to Christ to be my all in all, letting go of my desires and longings, looking to Christ to be my all in all, letting go of my desires and longings ... and ... ummm ... looking to Christ to be my all in all and letting go of my desires and longings. Did I miss anything? Humm. I don't think so, I think I got 'em all.

If you've been a longtime reader of my blog you know I post quite a bit about letting go of my desires and longings. How much it hurts, how I don't want to let go, how I know I need to let go. But, as I've said, I've been thinking. Maybe there's more. How so? More then just "letting go". How so? Maybe it's not so much letting go as it is grasping tighter ... to something else.

Have you ever had a time in your life when you try and try to not think of something (or someone ... we're going with someone, being Valentine's and all), but the more you try not to think of them, the more you think of them? Kind of distressing if you ask me. But, maybe instead of trying not to think of 'someone' we need to think about Christ.

Back to letting go ... instead of trying so very, very hard to let go of desires and dreams, and someones, we should grip tighter and tighter to Christ. Because when our hands are full of Christ and holding tight to Him with all we have, we soon see that we have no extra space to hold onto someone else, and no need to let go, because our hands are completely filled with Christ. Same with our thoughts. If our thoughts are saturated with Christ, verses, songs of praise, and such, there won't be any thoughts about not thinking about someone. And if our minds are filled with Christ there won't be any room for thoughts of that someone.

It's kind of like stepping into a dark room with only a single candle to light the room. Your object, with said candle, is to make the darkness flee, to make it simply light in the room. But as you chase the darkness from one corner you turn to find that it simply moved to the corner behind you. You run from place to place with your candle trying to make the darkness leave, but it only follows behind you, wherever you go. Discouraged that the darkness remains you're not as careful as you should be with your candle flame and in your hurrying about you forget to protect the flame, to nurture it and it is blown out by such fast, desperate movements. Now completely in the dark you sink to the ground ... still in the darkness, still wishing it to be gone. As tears flow your heart gets heavier and heavier. You don't know what to do, you've tried and tried to make the darkness go away, but you just can't. What if you can never make it go away, what if you are to live the rest of your life fighting the darkness with only your little flame? Fear starts to fill your heavy heart. Suddenly a strong hand closes around your shoulder. You cannot see who it is that is touching you, but the touch brings peace and you feel no reason to be afraid. Then the words, "Arise, and do not be afraid*" are spoken in a soft, comforting tone. Tears still streaming down your face you take heart, somewhat, and find you have no strength to stand, but the matter is soon solved as you are lifted by strong able arms to your feet. But once on your feet your find the strong arms do not let you go, but hold you fast, strong, close. Still the identity of this man is not revealed but as your legs will not hold your weight you cling to this man. Your fists full of his shirt, the candle you once depended on is now fallen from your hands, forgotten in the darkness. "Who are you?" your soft whisper fills the dark room. Slowly a soft glow fills the space around you. It takes you a moment to realize that the man you're clinging to tightly to is beginning to glow. Slightly afraid you know not what to do. Slowly the glow brightens and brightens. It continues to brighten until you must shut your eyes at the brightness of it. You blink, stunned by the light. Once your eyes adjust to the majesty of the light you look at the one who still holds you so close. Your eyes then behold the Savior. His face is soft, tender, caring as He holds you close to His heart. As you look into His face your fears fade away as your mind is completely taken up with studying His features. A few moments pass before you reluctantly let your eyes wander from His face and you realize that the room around you is no longer dark. In fact, there is not even a trace of darkness for all is revealed by the holy, majestic glow of the Savior. You wonder, as you rest safely in His arms, how you could have even tried to disperse the darkness with simply a single flame all on your own.

When our minds are filled with Christ, (with the light of His holy majesty) there is no room for anything else. When our eyes are so focused on Christ, learning about and studying Him, there is nothing else to look at. When our hands are so full of holding tightly to Christ, the "candle" we used to guide our way falls from our hands ... for there is no room to hold to anything but Christ.

*Matthew 17:7 (NKJV)

For further thoughts see my series from last year: Single for Valnetine's day? Parts: 1- Choose, 2- You're Being Watched, 3- Surrender, 4- Submit, and 5- The Checklist.

Merry Christmas all ye peeps

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. I did. We were in SD and the weather was beautiful there, compared to the weather here (negative numbers and even more negative numbered wind chills, lots of snow and such). It was a good day of just spending time with family, eating too much, enjoying time of just sitting around and not having to worry about being anywhere on time. Drinking lots of hot drinks. Spending time by the corn burner. Eating turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, salad, etc., etc., and lots of Christmas cookies!

But even though it is fun to lazy around and do nothing, remember what Christmas is about. It's not about gifts, family, friends, food, etc. ... it's about honoring and glorifying God. And it's about God's gift to us. His Son. His sinless, perfect, precious Son. Praise the Lord for His grace and mercy in giving us a way for us to come to Him! May Christ be the center of your thoughts and conversations, not just around Christmas time, but all year 'round. Merry Christmas, God's grace and mercy be rich upon you.

Joy and thankfulness ... right now

Do you ever have those times in life when a certain trial or hardship threatens to undo you and you feel like you just want to shut the world out? You too? *Whew* Actually, it is (I should actually say was) all to familiar in my life. Too often I give in to the flesh, thinking, "I can't do this. Oh Jesus, I can't do this! Why are You asking me to let go? Why are You asking me to give You this dear and precious thing?" Tears flow, sobs come. Sorrow is becoming a constant companion.

Now before you think I need help for depression, let me tell you what the Lord has been teaching me!

It was one of those "said times" when I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to try to explain why the tears were so near, why the ache in my heart was almost more then I could bear. So I went shopping ... or rather, just went walking around stores, I didn't really have a destination in mind. I walked around for a few hours before returning home. Once back at home mom pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong. Of course I told her ... I tell my mom everything. I told her I couldn't let go. I needed this thing which I was clinging so tightly to.

I could just imagine the pain, the sorrow, the hurt if I did let go ... forever to be single.

But Mom, in her gentle motherly way, spoke the words which God knew I needed to hear.

(I'm kind of paraphrasing because I can't remember word for word what she said. :)) "Ana, joy and happiness doesn't just come when you get married. God wants to give you joy and happiness right now, as you let go, as you give up. Giving up and letting go doesn't mean that is has to be a sad, painful thing. God gives joy ... right now, in this time of surrendering."

Of course I knew that, but I was shocked ... really?

She went on. "I know you think that you can't do this. That you can't go through this trial." (How is it that Mom's always know stuff, even if you don't tell them?) "But God never gives you anything you can't do. He'll give you the victory, He wants you to have victory. You can do this, but only with God's help and strength. And not only can you do this, but you can have joy as you do this!"

As her words sank in and I really thought them over the tears came and my heart cried out to Jesus.

Then Wednesday night Pastor went through some verses to help us with giving thanks. He took us to Ephesians 5:20 ~ "giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" (emphasis mine) and 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ~ "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" (emphasis mine).

In everything give thanks? Even in trials, in pain, in hardships? Give thanks? Like to be thankful for them? ... Yes! And only through Jesus, our Lord and Savior, can I do that!

All of this ramble-i-ness to say. Don't loose heart you singles who desire beyond almost anything to be married. God will give you joy, right now ... in this time of longing and unfulfilled desire. He will give you the strength and grace to endure until the time He has planned for you. And be thankful, God always does everything for a purpose. For our good and for His glory.

So pray, dear unmarried ones, pray, ask the Lord to make you truly thankful and give you the joy and strength that only He can give! (Although this post was written to encourage the unmarried, anyone can have joy in Christ ... right now, anyone can fly to Christ for strength and grace to have victory and thankfulness in the trails and situations in your life! Praise the Lord.)

Keys to help you wait

My Dad just bought me the book 'Before You Meet Prince Charming' by Sarah Mally of Bright Lights. It was recommended on a blog that has since been closed. I have only read the first five or six chapters (well, actually that makes me about half way through :)) but I LOVE it. I highly recommend this book to any one waiting for their "prince charming". Sarah Mally has a wonderful focus on Christ in this book and it is a wonderful encouragment. But as I was reading through I came across a list she gave of keys to help you wait and I was so encouraged that I had to share it with you, and this list can also be used not just for waiting for your furture mate but anything the Lord has called you to wait for.

Keys to Help You Wait

• Give up your dreams and expectations. Actually, you don't have to give them up; but rather, exchanged them. Exchange your dreams for something far better -- God's perfect plan. Choose to will what God wills (Mt. 10:39).
• Stop. Be still and know that He is God. Consider the awesome power of the God that you serve. What seems impossible to you is nothing for Him. Be still and watch Him work (Ps. 46:10).
• Get out a sheet of paper and begin to list the benefits that you are experiencing through this time of waiting. Don't just make a list in your head. It is helpful to actually write out the benefits. Don't stop until you have at least ten benefits on your list.
• Rejoice in this time of waiting. I know it is hard. It's hard for me too. As I mentionted, waiting is one of the most difficult things God asks us to do. Sometimes it feels like you just can't wait any longer. But struggles and trials are important parts of our lives. Scripture commands us to rejoice in these times of trials (Jas. 1:2, 1Pet. 4:12-13).
• Redirect your focus. Don't focus on the waiting; focus on the Lord.
• In the little events of daily life, learn to look to the Lord to supply your needs and carry your burdens. Have the attitude of David who prayed, "On Thee do I wait all the day ... My soul, wait thou upon God; for my expectation is from Him" (Ps. 25:5, 62:5).
  

Moving on ...

So ... yesterday was my birthday. It's official, I'm a year older (funny, I only feel a day older). Now ya'll can guess how old I am. :) Have fun with that ...

But seriously ...

God has been showing me that He is faithful, loving, caring, sufficient, etc.. To my shame doubts have arisen in my mind, questions, worries. Mostly about my future, marriage, life, ect.. When I start to question the things I have and the things I want, God reminds me that He has graciously provided all I need. Did you get that? All I need!! So, if I don't have it, I don't need it. Isn't it wonderful to know that you are never, ever, going to be in want of things you need. Now, that doesn't mean that you will have everything you want. I'm sure we can all think of things that we want that we don't have. But God is faithful, He is just, He is wise, He is right, He is loving, He is caring, He is wonderful!

So as I start a new year, it is my prayer that this blog would reflect Christ! It is my prayer for me (and you dear reader) that I would love Jesus as I ought, I would long for Him as I ought, that I would become more and more like Him, that He would be the only thing that fills my mind, heart and soul. As I start a new year, I want to leave past worries, sins, doubts, fears, longings and desires behind. I want to move on, I want to run the "good race" in a way so that God would be honored and glorified in all I do. I want to finish the race and hear the words "Well, done good and faithful servant." I want my Jesus, Christ, Lord, Savior and God to be pleased with how I've lived my life for Him and Him alone!

Amazing, caring Jesus

Any of you remember this post? I do. :) I loved that cup. I used it every morning. The first thing I did when I got up in the morning was check to see if the dishwasher had been run and if my beautiful little cup would be resting, clean and shiny, ready to use. If it wasn't, then I took it out and hand washed it, then dried it, then filled it with coffee. I smiled every time I opened the cupboard and saw it. It made me very happy ... until I broke it. Yup, sadness among all sadnesses. I was bummed. I'd bought that cup (and three others almost exactly like it, just different colors) for my hope chest. But I loved it so much, the brown one was my favorite among the ones I'd bought, that I just had to use it right away. How could I put something so wonderful into a box to wait and wait and wait and wait and ... ? :) Yeah. So I faithfully loved it ... and broke it.

But having it break made me realize that I cared too much for my hope chest things. It was, after all, just a cup, a glass, 50cent cup, and it bothered me for days that I broke it. So I had to rethink some things. I prayed and asked God to help me keep my hope chest things in the right focus, which was not the "most important, dearly loved items" focus. I'd begun to put those possessions in a very high place in my life. Sound crazy? Maybe it was, but I long for and desire the day when I can unpack each and every piece with my new husband. Lovingly and caring-ly putting each one in the place I know I'll find it when I walk into my very own kitchen to make meals for my beloved husband.

After I broke it, I went to the Family Dollar store (where I'd originally bought it) to see if perhaps they would have just one left in the clearance isle. They didn't. So I asked the lady if maybe, just because they were out, they would be getting more in again. I smiled so nicely at her, hoping it would maybe help me out ... it didn't. She said that because it was in the clearance isle that they would never get them again ... ever (yes, she really, truly emphasized "ever" just like that). Needless to say I was quite disheartened.

So, as I said, I prayed and asked God to help me keep my life, my hope chest, my desires, my dreams, my God, my Jesus, all in the right and proper focus. And He did. What a wonderful Jesus! I still would miss having it and drinking out of it when I saw the pictures of it but I was content. God had answered my prayer and had helped me adjust my focus.

Yesterday I walked out to the Family Dollar store to pick up a shirt I'd been eyeing for a while. When I'd picked up the shirt I wanted I wandered through the store, just looking. I love to do that in our dollar store, we have such neat things! So in my wanderings I wandered over to the kitchen isle. Guess what I saw? Yes, the cup!! The cup that they would never ... ever get, never, ever again. It was there!!! Oh, how happy I was. I nearly shouted for joy (I did manage to contain myself, however :) ). I was so excited and happy that I was telling the cashier about how happy I was and how sad I'd been when I broke my first cup and how happy I was that they had it and ... He, obviously not understanding, simply said, very monotone-ishly, "Yes, they are nice cups." I was not, however, going to let it get me down. So I walked, (ever so carefully) back home, cups in bag. I bought two this time. :) One to stow away in my hope chest and one to use.

But as I walked I couldn't help being overcome with thankfulness, awe, shock, surprise. My God cared enough about the little dear-to-my-heart cup to allow the store to get a new order of the cups that they were never ... ever going to get again. I smiled all the way home. How many times do we think that God doesn't really care about that stuff? And how often are we totally shocked when we see that He does? I think that I, for one, should rethink my Jesus and never underestimate His love and care ... even if it's just about a little broken cup!

`~`Encouragment from Auntie Emma`~`

Reading Auntie Emma's CaringBridge site today tears filled my eyes as hope and encouragment filled my heart while I read her words. Now I share them with you! May you find comfort in them, as I have, and as she has.


"...the thought I have been carrying around since then is from Jehoshephat's prayer... 'We don't know what to do... but our eyes are on you.'

K and I often spin the same cognitive and emotional circle these days and ultimately this is the conclusion we reach: God is good. We don't know what to do; but where else can we go? He alone gives life. We cast ourselves, our dreams, our future on Him and we learn to wait on Him. He sees me... He knows what we need and we will never go without.

Through His Word, God says to me...
'Be still in the presence of the LORD and wait patiently for Him to act.' Psalm 37:7a

'Pay attention, {Emma}, for you are my servant. I, the LORD, made you and I will not forget to help you.' Isaiah 44:21"