Sunday, April 12, 2009

I--I--I can do this, I'm big I--I ... Ahhhh!!!!!! It moved!!

I took my evening shower. I was all clean. It was a wonderful feeling. And, to top it off, I was going to sleep in my own bed again (two nights in a row! Wahoo!). I had been sleeping on the couch, well, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, and Thursday night. I did so due to mold in the basement and the tearing apart of the walls and the ceiling. So since my room is in the basement my parents wanted me upstairs, away from the mold ... I don't know why. ;) But anyway. So I was excited about sleeping in my bed again. I was walking down the stairs, my arms full of my clothes (I was now P.J. clad), I had my glasses on, instead of contacts, and I was barefoot. I was happily walking down the stairs, looking down at the stairs to make sure I didn't fall and out of the corner of my eye I could see something on the stairs, from under my glasses (which means it was blurry). I instantly froze. I knew what that shape was even if I couldn't see it very clearly.

It was a big, ugly, black spider. The kind that crunches when you squish them. The kind that move really fast. The kind that look really scary. The kind that are just ... yuck!

Now, I'm just going to come out and say this ... because you'll probably figure it out anyway ... so here'goes ... I HATE SPIDERS!!! Especially the ones that are big, black and crunchy. I don't mind Daddy Long legs. I can kill those things. And actually, I can kill the little black crunchy spiders too, but this one, with legs and all was around the size of a quarter!! Icky!!!

So there I am, two or three stairs from the basement trapped on the stairs by big, icky spidy. He was just ... well, I don't know if it was a he or she, but all spiders are just "he"'s to me so ... there he was, just calmly sitting ... er ... being there, on the stairs, completely unaware of how scared I was of him.

I took a few big breaths to calm my quickly beating heart (I always get a little start when I unexpectedly come upon a spider) and decided I could make it the last few steps down without suffering too much harm. So, I made a break for it. I don't know when the last time it was when I went down the last few stairs so fast.

Wheew!!! Safe at the bottom of the stairs I quickly made it to my room and deposited my clothes on my bed. I was a little skittish because of the thought of the spider. I knew I needed to kill him before he killed me (yes, I know he probably wouldn't have done anything to me, but in the moment it sounded like a completely possible thing).

Walking into my room I was aware of the fact that my feet were still bare. The thought that I could unknowingly step on any amount of icky crunchy spiders with my BARE FEET made me shudder. I quickly scanned the floor for my faithful clogs. Unable to find them I looked for different foot ware. Seeing my slippers on the floor I thought of putting them on, but it occurred to me that I have not worn them for a very long time and that there could be something living in them! Not wanting to find out what might be happily abiding in my slippers I headed for my closet, and then the "shoe rack". Without hesitation I grabbed what I knew would make me feel much "safer" then bare feet. What did I grab, you ask? My favorite brown high heels, of course, just like anyone of you would have done. *rolls eyes* What was I thinking?!

Yessiree, with my brown heels, over-sized Dr. Pepper sleeping pants, brown Curious George shirt, and a pink polka-dot robe armed with a red and black broom that I found I was every spider's worst nightmare! Or ... maybe I was EVERY ONE'S worst nightmare.

So, bravely I walked over to the stairs, click-clicking on the floor as I went (heels are such wonderful sneak-up-on-people-and-spider shoes). I made it to the stairs, but made sure to keep my distance until I was ready to attack. Why get too close before you have to?

My eyes went to the place I last saw the spider, and to my great horror it wasn't there! My eyes widened, but soon I found him, just the next step down. I didn't think of it at the time, but I see clearly now, he was chasing me down the stairs, and was going to eat me, of course.

I calmed myself again and prepared myself to "attack". I readied the broom, telling myself all I had to do was smack him really fast and really hard and it would all be over. But then a thought came to mind. What if I missed? What if it was a jumping spider and it would jump on me if I missed? I could just imagine myself being slowly and painfully devoured by small, black spidy.

Great! Now I was totally ready to kill him ... not! I told myself to calm down. I was practically 100 times bigger then he was. But, I reminded myself, he could move much faster then I. I shook my head, removing all scary thoughts from my head. I took aim and shuddered.

"I can't do this" my mind said over and over, to which it responded "Yes, you can. You're so much bigger than he is." As I stood there, thoughts rolling over and over in my mind I knew what I had to do. I did what any other sensible person would do.

"Dad!" I called, hoping he would come quickly before spidy decided to move on. Nothing happened, no footsteps, no sound, no aid ... nothing. "Dad!" a little louder this time. Yes! Success, I could hear him coming. Then a thought struck me. "When dad comes down the stairs he's going to scare the spider and it's going to jump at me and eat me." I tightened my grip on my "weapon" ... trusty red and black broom.

There I stood, waiting at the bottom of the stairs, but thankfully not for too long. Soon, dad was nearly down the stairs. I pointed to the spider. "It's really big and scary, Dad. Can you kill it?" I tried to give him a nice smile, hoping he wouldn't actually voice the thought that I knew was in his mind ... because it was in mine too. I'm how old and I can't even kill a spider? *Sighs* Somethings just can't be done peeps.

So, Daddy to the rescue. He walked down the rest of the basement steps, seemingly un-bothered by the threatening spider, grabbed a rag, and went back to kill the spider.

I was so scared it was going to come after me that I actually turned away to make sure I couldn't see it ... also so I wouldn't have to see it get squished and hear the crunch. My father straightened, spider dead on the rag. Wahoo for brave Fathers!!!

So, why do I tell you all this nonsense? Because it made me laugh, the fact that I'm so scared of spiders. But also because I had convinced myself that night, in just a few short seconds, that my brown high heels would be a great defense against little spidy on the stairs. Although, now that I think about it, I don't really know how I would have run away if I was actually being chased by the spider in my heels? *Shrugs* I guess we'll never know.


Abigail said...

Thanks for a good laugh! Fathers are wonderful things. Especially when there are creepy creatures to be dealt with! ;)

Melanie said...

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!! :-D I got a good laugh out of that one... the picture of you in your high heels and everything else... it was funny. :-)
Aren't you glad for those funny little things in life? :-)

Rosebud said...

What a great story!! =) I was sitting here laughing (or at least grinning) the whole way. Hooray for your dad! =)

Sara Littley said...

Oh My Goodness!! I got a very funny picture in my mind when you described what you were wearing!!
Your dad didn't happen to take a picture of you did he?

Anderson family said...

That is SOOOOO hilarious, Ana!!!! I giggle whenever I think of it now---personally, I love spiders, I always feel really bad when I have to kill them (I kill them only when they're inside), but to each her own!;P You put that story just perfect! Thanks for posting it!!:P

Natalie said...

Heehee! That made me laugh...I've gotten over my fear of killing most bugs, but there are still some I'd rather not deal with. And dads are great about dealing with stuff like that. :)

Haha...your heels.... :D

Ana said...

No,thankfully my Dad didn't get any pictures. ;)

Cloe said...

LOL! That is sooo funny. I am glad it did not kill you before your dad could come to your aid. *giggles*

Katie - Romans 12:1-2 said...

Hahaha!! I only laugh because I do the same thing...see a bug, call for Dad or brother...if its brother he torments me with the bug, but Dad will always kill and get rid of it for me! :)

Tiffany said...

I have to tell you I LOVE your background!! I have a piece of scrapbooking paper that looks almost just like it and I haven't used it yet cause its just so pretty!!

KinaBolina said...

I just found your blog through your sister's blog and I love it!
Be reading more soon!
xoxo Caroline

Ethan said...

wow that's a lot of righting.

Jason A. Hunsicker said...

Ha Ha! Great story. I was laughing pretty hard at some points!

I look forward to being that brave father to rescue my daughter from scary spiders...of course I have a quite a few years before then.

Great story, and very entertaining!

Ana said...

I have no doubt you'll be able to save your daughters from icky bugs, guys just have the ability to do that.