Sunday, July 27, 2008

Comfort in the night ... my Jesus

The last couple days have been very trying, peeps. Ya'll know I'm single and sometimes it doesn't bother me too much, and sometimes, it really gets to me. Especially when someone I used to like has announced his engagement. So, what do I do when I'm feeling down (or when I'm happy, or all the time really:) )? I journal. Yup, I love writing: stories, journals, life, blogs, posts. :) I just love to write. But keeping the train of thought, I was rereading my journal from yesterday and today and I was so comforted by my Jesus' love and care that I just had to share it with you all! I'll give you a couple entries so you can get the whole flow of thought. :)

7-26-08
[The] silky water of the bathtub is scented with White Tea and Jasmine - Balancing bath salts [from Wal-mart]. A little purple plaid bag floats around, the bright red (silky) ribbon keeping the bath cookie inside. Four candles burn comfortingly and happily, one on the counter, three on the side of the tub. The sheer green curtain, brown softy curtain and plastic curtain are all tied back, safely out of reach of the hungry flames by a silky yellow ribbon. Fernando Ortega plays softly and comfortingly in the background. A newly filled glass bottle of iced tea rests on the floor, ready to bring sweetness to my mouth at a moment's notice. After [my bath] I will [use] Bath and Body Works lotion ... Velvet Tuberose! It almost smells like men's cologne. It is almost my favorite! Then after I relish the wonderful scent I will pull on my ... P.J.'s ... .
I hope the water will soak up and wash away the troubles in my heart. ...
I ... found out JA is to be wed ______.
The Lord is taking all chances of men I used to like away. The horizon is empty. I strain to see [my future husband], yet [he doesn't] appear.
The tears come and cries catch in my throat. I don't want to be alone.
Fill me Lord Jesus, with only You. That all else may be forgotten!

7-27-08
I'm sitting on a little plastic picnic table in the church nursery. TM plays happily on the floor while I sit here at the almost awkwardly small picnic table, drinking coffee and writing ...
Last night was slightly hard. I cried myself to sleep. I cried so much my nose got stuffy and I had to breath through my mouth, who knows what kind of icky, creepy-crawlies I ate unbeknownst to me. :) I cringe at the thought of eating spiders.
But as I cried I kept thinking about the Wait poem. My heart cried out in pain and uncertainty and the lines kept running through my head ... "He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine ... And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign..." ... "I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me." ... "The glow of My comfort late into the night."
I cried and prayed and could see His eyes meet with mine. As I laid my head on my pillow and cried, it was almost like resting on His chest, His arms holding me tight, His tender voice tilling me He has a plan. ...

My Jesus amazes me so. So, I share that to say, be encouraged, singles and married alike, God has a plan, He'll never forget you, He'll never ask too much of you! Also read one of my favorite posts by my cousin Ash.

10 comments:

Robert said...

I too need to be reminded that he has a plan for me.

Here's a quote that I came across a while back. Jane Austen, writes in a letter, dated 1817, to her niece:

To you I shall say, as I have often said before, Do not be in a hurry, the right man will come at last; you will in the course of the next two or three years meet with somebody more generally unexceptionable than anyone you have yet known, who will love you as warmly as possible, and who will so completely attach you that you will feel you never really loved before.

Also wanted to say that the cross stitch your working on sounds pretty!

Ana said...

Robert~
Thank you so much for the quote. :) And for the comment. I do need to be reminded of God's care, love and plan, which is why He so often does remind me. :)

Charity Dawn said...

Colossians 1:18b

Natalie said...

Aww, I'm sorry Ana. And I can't think of anything else to say other than that. *virtual hug* :)
I know it's hard to long to be married and to seemingly have no possibilities either...I haven't had the experience of someone I liked being forever out of the question, but I know it would be hard.

I always like that quote too!

Shelly said...

Ana dear,
Some days are hard! Sadly, there will always be trials in our lives and hurdles to overcome. There will always be "just one more thing" we think we need or deserve or desire. Keep finding your satisfaction is God and God alone, and He will surprise you with something better than you could ever have imagined! I KNOW He will, for there has never been a time when God has been unfaithful! I am VERY excited to see you in two weeks!!! I am looking forward to a good walk/talk about this very thing!

Ana said...

Oh, oh, you all just make me want to cry!! Such sweet bloggie peeps you are!!! :)

Charity~
Thank you for the verse. What an encouragment and good reminder that God needs to be my focus.

Natalie~
Awww, *hugs*!!! You're such a sweet bloggie friend!

Shelly~
Thank you for the wonderful words you said. You are such an encouragment to me! It will be so much fun to talk and walk with you!!! :) Go fast two weeks!!

Elizabeth said...

Dear Ana ~ I just want to write a little not to let you know I'm thinking of you and praying for you, dear! I have "been there, done that" and it's hard ... one of the hardest things in the world, in its own way. Dear, sweet, girl ... hang on in there and keep your eyes on your Jesus ... however hard it gets and however much it hurts, He loves you and He's with you. Steven Curtis Chapman's song, "Believe Me Now," is THE song that always reminds me of this truth! Hugs! ~ Elizabeth :)

Ana said...

Elizabeth~
Oh, dear sweet bloggie friend!! I needed your words of encouragement today! Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in pain and hurt and forget that EVERYTHING works out for good and that I'm not the only one in the world know goes though this! Thank you dear Elizabeth! *HUGS*

Miriam said...

Hi-I just ran across your blog thru Ashleigh's, and had to comment on this post (I know it's old...). I was so much like you! I only knew a few guys who were "possibilities" and it was such a heartbreak when one after another they got engaged to someone ELSE! I was in the "depths of despair" many times. But guess what? When I thought my chance for marrying was long gone, and that there was NO ONE decent left in my hometown, let alone the world : ), my future husband was actually going to college where I lived, and rented a house on the same street where I always liked to walk off my frustration over the state of affairs. Of course, I don't know that we ever saw each other (he schooled/worked all the time!) but when we finally met (through an ad for an accordion my sister had in the paper), it was so eye-opening to realize--all that time I was questioning God for leaving me in this predicament, He had my husband picked out and living around the corner! So have heart! In God's timing, the right man will appear, be it from the other side of the world, or down the street.

Ana said...

Miriam~
Oh, thank you for your wonderful encouraging words! It was just what I needed. I take such joy in hearing how God works in other peoples lives. It gives me such hope. Thank you for taking the time to stop by and leave me such a WONDERFUL comment!